By the time I found Montrose on the internet, my life was way out of control. I am 52 and have struggled with eating disorders since my mid 20’s. I contacted Montrose, but didn’t really believe I could be helped.
Well: they did. I had to wait two and a half months from when I first contacted Montrose to arrange the time out of my life and the financing to go. The support I received, even in those months when admission was not a certainty yet, was phenomenal.
At the end of November I gave up the normal Christmas madness, my family, a holiday and my bonus and was admitted for two months.
It is hard for me to describe in words how my life has changed. Or no, let me change that: “to explain how the way I see my life has changed” Because my circumstances have not changed, I have.
After the first two weeks, I was not quite sure how such a gentle non threatening environment would help me at all. Was a rehabilitation centre not supposed to be the toughest love (and didn’t it need to be almost unbearable to be beneficial?) Soon afterwards I realised that, although a caring empathetic environment, it was not going to be a walk in the park. Some things (food, bedtime, participation in activities) were not negotiable. Although nobody ever “nagged” anybody to adhere to anything, actions had consequences. Individual therapy and support groups constantly picked at years of carefully created and layered “masks”. There were tears and laughs and shock and sometimes anxiety, but NEVER EVER judgement.
And so over a period of 8 weeks I realised that what is happening is that my view of the world is changing. (And oh boy, was I a practised 24/7 worrier: my children, my work, crime, the past, the future, did I mention the exchange rate?) I am back at home and at work now and will be attending my first after-care support group this week. I no longer need to rescue anybody or anything; I don’t need to eat to numb the pain, but most of all: I have gained some self esteem. Probably the most valuable commodity. I don’t want more than I deserve, but will also not settle for less. I just want to take my rightful place in the world.
Montrose gave me those tools. And I took it. And although I realise these are early days, that relapses happen, we will walk this road, Montrose and I. These 2 months were the most significantly life changing of my life.
Thank you so much…..
(I want to make mention of some people, but I am too scared I might leave someone out. And the other clients were just as beneficial in the process – each and every one)
53 years old